Less

In The Parent's Tao Te Ching, William Martin writes,

Your children do not need more.
Each day adds more facts,
more gadgets,
more activities,
more desires,
and more confusion
to their lives.

Your task is to subtract.
Each day seek to remove,
to clarify,
To simplify.

I have been taking heart in those words lately, even if it's only to justify my slacker-parenting ways, my lack of hurry when it comes to what my kids are learning. When I see other homeschoolers posting about the many educational opportunities available out there--the websites, the ski lessons, the plays and concerts--when I see the many wonderful things to learn about and do there are in the world, I sometimes feel restless, even anxious, that the kids and I are not doing enough. Martin's words help me see the value in questioning the need to chase after these activities just for the sake of the chase. Sure, if we really feel drawn to learn to ski this winter, I think we should make time for it. But doing it simply to stay busy or check off an item on a list--uh uh.

When I think of the times I felt closest to my parents, it usually wasn't when we were out doing some grand activity. Often, there was a lot of pressure around family vacations and outings--I think we all felt we had to make it fun or we had somehow failed. The times I remember most fondly with my parents were very quiet times: Sitting with my father in our front yard in Southern California watching a sunset and talking about innocuous yet oddly important things, like what our favorite colors were. Talking with my mom at the kitchen table while I had my afterschool snack.

The times I remember feeling most whole as a child had very little to do with elaborate, organized learning activities, either. The memories that come back to me are of rapturously playing in the mud, or drawing for hours on the backs of my father's cast-off business documents, or watching sticks go downstream in the creek behind my house, or gazing at dust motes dancing in the sunlight streaming in through a window. It is so easy for our lives to fill up with busyness. Each time we sign up for a class or drive across town for some elaborate outing, we make less time for the small, seemingly insignificant moments that will actually touch us right down to our souls.

William Martin again:

If each day one minute less
was spent doing something,
And one minute more
was spent being present
in simple pleasures
with your children,
in two months
you would transform your life,
and theirs.
One minute less.